When I work at my long-term care facility, I take lunch around 12:30 pm. Most days, I see Florence (not her real name) in the cafeteria. Florence eats alone. She is too shy to reach out to other diners sitting near her. Sometimes she buries herself in a book. Other times, she watches groups interacting around her.
Not long ago, I approached Florence and invited her to join us for lunch. Her eyes lit up. She smiled a little shyly. Without hesitation, Florence packed up her lunch and joined my colleagues and me. She jumped into the conversation graciously, contributing stories, laughter, and genuine smiles. She added to our experience as much as we added to hers. Our interaction was uplifting and fun.
Are you holding out on making connections?
If so, ask yourself why. Are you afraid that you might be rejected? That you might look ridiculous? Sure, it could happen. But rejection is far over-rated.
Take this example of rejection. Shortly after meeting our medical director, I saw him dining alone in the cafeteria. I asked if he would like to dine together. He turned me down. He wasn’t rude or insulting about it. He was nearly finished eating, so my timing wasn’t great. He said he was in a hurry to get back to his patients.
Most of the time, you will make a new friend when you reach out to connect. If and when you do get turned down, chalk it up to a lesson in humility. Humility is likeable. Humility is a gift.
Rejection isn’t a tragedy. Missing out on a great connection because of exaggerated fears is a tragedy. Life is too precious to let our fears and self-consciousness stop us from connecting.
The rewards of connection makes the slim chances of rejection worth it.
Part of what made the first experience (of acceptance) so great was that I didn’t over-think it. I didn’t dwell on how to approach Florence so that I didn’t look stupid. I just walked up to her and started talking. Experiencing our interaction was deeply satisfying, and it stayed with me.
Be natural. If I had worried about perfect execution, I would have lost my courage.
Reaching out is endearing and flattering to the recipient. It is very likely that the other person is interested in you, but either doesn’t know it yet, or hasn’t yet summoned the courage to strike up the conversation first.
Part of what made the second experience (of rejection) easy to overcome was that I didn’t take it personally. I didn’t indulge fantasies about why the medical director turned me down. I also did not indulge in bashing him to compensate. Sometimes, it’s just not the right person, the right time, or the right way to connect.
Life is too short to eat alone.
Did you know that when you eat with others, you tend to eat less? You also tend to enjoy your meals more. If you like your company, your respiratory rate slows and deepens. You smile more, laugh easier. Stress hormones decrease, while well-being hormones increase. You may even be helping the person you connect in immeasurable ways.
Here is my challenge to you.
The next time you are dining alone, or see another lone diner, strike up a conversation. Compliments, when well-intended and not creepy, are great conversation starters.
What do you have to lose? You might lose some of your self-consciousness. Or perhaps your exaggerated fears. I’m betting you’ll be happy you did.
Now, tell me your stories.
How comfortable are you with striking up conversations with strangers? What is stopping you from reaching out? Do you have any tips or experiences to help other readers warm up their connection muscles? Please share so that we can all learn.
Thanks for reading and supporting this community.
Wishing you oodles of courage,
Frances
